Just in case it ever comes up

I could survive for 44 seconds chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor

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Shannon, you make my day

Amy gave me the “Make My Day” award. Here are the rules:

(1) give this to people whose blogs mean something special to you - or give it to the blogs whose persons mean something special to you
(2) leave a comment on their blog so they know they got it
(3) you get to pick the number of times you give it

Shannon is the lucky winner from this blog because a) she is one of my oldest (not age-wise) friends, b) we are fortunate enough be now be related to each other, and c) she is most likely to pass the award along to one of her friends or family.

There's no serious injury inflicted when Shannon's around. That makes my day.

Six things

I was (unofficially) tagged by my excellent sister-in-law over at cutestfamilyever. You might read her post and think, "She didn't tag you! She didn't tag anyone!" Well, you would be wrong. She cleverly tagged me on my own blog. I am that special.

So, here are six things about me. Don't judge me too harshly.

1. I am obsessed with lava. It's just so... so... awesome. It's beautiful and powerful and scary all at the same time. For Christmas, I want a lava video to watch over and over and over again. Mind you, I do not wish to actually go near lava (I have safety issues), but I wouldn't mind flying over in a helicopter or something like that. But not the lava stuff that looks like a mudslide. I want to see the real fiery stuff. You know, that stuff that seems like it could make you burst into flame if you look at it long enough. That's what I be talkin' 'bout.

2. I don't have a preference between Miracle Whip and mayo. Really. I don't. It just does matter which one is on my sandwich. I was accused of being a blasphemer by my brother-in-law when his mom asked which one I wanted on my BLT and I replied, "Whatever is out. I don't care." He roared in indignation. "You can't NOT CARE! You HAVE to have a preference! I don't even care if your preference is different than mine, but you HAVE TO PREFER ONE OR THE OTHER! You can't LIKE BOTH!" Uhhh... okay. Mayo... I mean Miracle Whip. See, I can't make myself care one way or another.

3. I don't "get" poetry. I can't even explain to you what I don't get, because I don't get it. I know poetry is popular. People like to read it and people love to write it. I don't DISlike it. I just don't understand it. Brett wrote a poem for me after we were engaged. I read it, appreciated the craft and sentiment that he put into it, kissed him and thanked him, and then tucked it away with all my other keepsake treasures. This, apparently, is NOT what you are supposed to do with a poem that your loved one writes a poem for you. I still don't know what the correct behavior is, so any tips are appreciated. I'm a total clod in this respect. I know it. I despise it.

This deficiency extends to song lyrics, too. On more than one occasion, we've been listening to a song and Brett will make a comment like, "Oh man, this guy has had his heart ripped out one too many times and he is so bitter..." and I'll say, "Huh? This is a song about heartbreak?" and he'll say, "So, when he sings, 'I'm so bitter because I've had my heart ripped out so many times and I'm brokenhearted,' that wasn't a clue for you?" I just... well, never thought about what the song was about. I know. I'm a clod.

4. I hate the word "lilac." Not the color, not the flower, just the word. When I was a kid in Primary, we used to sing about walking by the lilac tree and it would make my blood boil. It just makes me angry and I can't explain it. Other words that make me angry: squat and condiment. Some favorite words: eucalyptus, gecko, and barley.

5. I have to hold my nose to jump into water/I can't gargle. This is a source of endless amusement for those who know me. I HAVE to plug my nose or I'lll get water in it. I even hold my nose going down waterslides. When we were scuba diving and I was wearing a mask that covered my eyes and nose, I still plugged my nose for my backward tumble off the boat and into the ocean. (That might have been psychological, though.) I think this is related to my inability to gargle in some way. There must be some genetic anomaly that affects my nose and throat. Maybe I don't have a uvula. Oooohhh.... uvula. Another good word.

6. I love "The People's Court." I watch it every day at work. Yes, I am Rain Man.

If you feel like playing, consider yourself tagged.

Greatest misspelling ever

After reading this article (courtesy of Eric D. Snider) and Seriously, So Blessed, I've become more aware of what my roommate from Wisconsin used to call the "Utah accent."

Now, my Wisconsin roommate definitely had an accent. I would describe her accent as "rounded" or perhaps, "Canadian" (a term with which she violently disagreed). She described the Utah accent as "lazy." I can see what she means.

In Utah-ese:

fill = feel
sell = sale
will = wheel
well = whale

When you really think about it, doesn't everyone have an accent to someone else? But for the most part, people who speak English can understand other people who speak English. The amusing part comes when the regional oddities of the spoken word creep into the written word, particularly in the spelling.

And so, ladies and gentlemen, I give you the greatest misspelling of all time (as found on a blog that I will not post on this forum):

The word is "intill."

As in, "I never noticed you had an accent intill I read what you wrote on your blog."

Ironically, the rest of the blog was fairly well-written which made this misspelling stick out like a sore thumb.

That's all for now. Intill next time...

I might be a little behind the times...

... but this is my new favorite online toy.

http://ssshotaru.homestead.com/files/aolertranslator.html

See if you can recognize these famous words translated into 10-Year-Old-AOL-Speak:

FOUR SCORA AND S3VAN Y3ARS AGO OUR FATH3RS BROUGHT FORTH ON THES CONTIENNT A NU NATION CONCEIEVD IN LIEBRTY AND D3DICAETD 2 TEH PROPOSITION TAHT AL MAN R CREAETD 3QUAL

Or these:

WHEN IN TEH COURS3 OF HUMAN EVENTS IT BCOM3S NECESARY FOR ONA PAOPL3 2 DISOLVE TEH POLITICAL BANDS WHICH HAEV CONACTAD TH3M WIT ANOTH3R AND 2 ASUME MONG DA POW3RS OF DA AARTH TEH SAPARAET AND 3QUAL STATION 2 WHICH DA LAWS OF NATUR3 AND OF NATURES GOD 3NTITLE THAM A DECANT R3SPACT 2 DA OPINIONS OF MANKIND REQUIERS TAHT TH3Y SHUD R DA CAUESS WHICH IMPAL THEM 2 TEH SEPARATION!!111 OMG LOL

And this has got to be my favorite:

AND SO MAH FELOW M3RICANS ASK NOT WUT UR COUNTRY CAN DO FOR U - ASK WUT U CAN DO FOR UR COUNTRY!1!!11!1 OMG WTF
MY FELOW CITIEZNS OF DA WORLD ASK NOT WUT MARICA WIL DO FOR U BUT WUT 2GATH3R WA CAN DO FOR DA FREDOM OF MAN!!1!! WTF LOL

All I have to say is:

OMG!!1! ROTFLMAO!1!!!

The oderr of teh ltetres dsone't mteatr

Have you seen the "study" which claims that your brain is such an amazing thing that it is able to decode words and sentences even if the letters are in the wrong order? Supposedly, all that matters is that the first and last letter are in the right spot.

This is good news for me, because as I've been reading my past posts today, I discovered that I am a terrible proofreader. My posts are littered with errors. Mostly little ones, I see. No comma here, no apostrophe there. It appears my favorite error is to replace one tiny word with a different tiny word. Swap "and" for "the." Type "of" instead of "in." I also like to leave letters off the ends of words, especially "d," "s," and "r."

My defense is two-part. First: I don't really proofread at all. I just read for content once and then spell-check and then post. Second: I have my computer screen at work positioned at an odd angle so people at the door can't see what I'm working on. It's actually a little hard for me to see as well. Also, I have a big desk and a relatively small monitor so I'd really have to lean in to proofread and then, well, it would be pretty obvious that I'm not working. My job doesn't require leaning on a regular basis.

When I post I also try to make my writing approximate how I actually talk, so that explains the run-on sentences and certain other quirks and oddities.

I came across this a while ago and I absolutely agree with her. When I looked it up to link it to this post, it cross-referenced with another post called "Writing without typos is totally outdated."

I'm totally down with that.

Spouse tag

You like me...*sniff*.... you really like me! I got tagged and unlike some red-haired sister-in-law types who may be related to my husband, it gives me a warm fuzzy and I'm happy to play along.

How did you meet your spouse? We met through my brother Chet, who was Brett’s roommate. Ironically, they had become friends because they had both tried unsuccessfully to woo the same girl in high school. (Well, Brett actually dated her but got dumped. That’s unsuccessful wooing in my book.)

Where did you go on your first date? We rode around on the family 4-trax. We were with my brother Chet and his very pregnant wife. I was sitting on the back, right on the spot that says “NO SEAT,” holding on to the rear fenders for dear life. Brett said, “You know, if you hang onto me, you might be more comfortable.” Smoooooth.

How long have you been together? It’s been 7 years and a few months since our first date.

Who eats more? Depends on what it is. Brett eats more in general, but if we’re talking pizza or donuts or French fries… look out. I once tried to eat a dozen Krispy Kreme in one sitting. Well, maybe twice. Okay, THREE TIMES. Geez. I haven’t been successful, but I’m willing to keep trying.

Who said I love you first? He did. And according to him, because he loved me first, he loves me more.

Who sings better? Dude, I learned how to play the piano for a reason. I cannot sing. At all. Brett is pretty good and has even sung in a couple of quartets in Sacrament Meeting.

Who is smarter? I have lots of facts and figures stocked up in my brain. I also remember and recall things pretty well. But Brett has all the practical knowledge.

Who does the laundry? I do most of the time, but he helps out a lot.

Who does the dishes? Mostly me. When Brett does, it’s usually because there are no clean dishes or counterspace on which to cook. (See the upcoming cooking question.)

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? I do. Although it’s not set in stone and we swap occasionally. The right side is closer to the alarm. The left side is closer to the TV.

Who pays the bills? Brett does.

Who mows the lawn? Brett does. I was complaining one day about how I am almost always the one who ends up bathing the dogs if they get poop stuck to their butts and how disgusting those baths are. Brett agreed and said, "Yeah, but when I mow the lawn, all the dog doo in the yard gets ground up and flung into the grass bag. In order to empty the grass bag, I have to stick my hand in there and manually scoop the grass-doodoo mixture out." Ok. He wins. The lawn gets mowed twice a month. I only have to do the poo-bath twice a year.

Who cooks dinner? Mostly Brett. When he cooks, he gets a better meal, so it’s really a win-win situation.

Who drives when you are together? We used to decide by whose car we were taking because both cars were from before we got married so it was a very clear “mine” and “yours” distinction. Now that we have an “ours” car, he usually drives. If I drive it takes longer to get there. Plus, I can’t really see at night.

Who is more stubborn? We can both really dig our feet in on issues that are important to us.

Who is the first to admit when they’re wrong? Neither. Although I’m definitely the first one to say, “It’s not worth fighting over. Let’s let it go.”

Whose parents do you see the most? His, because they live nearer.

Who kissed who first? Brett kissed me. We were watching “Psycho.” It was very romantic.

Who proposed? He did. We were at the Sacramento airport and I was leaving on a trip. We danced as he sang our song to me. Then he got down on one knee and proposed. I was totally surprised and people were staring and clapping and stuff. Airports are pretty romantic for us now, too. Yeah. Airports and Norman Bates.

Who has more friends? He does, by far.

Who has more siblings? He does, by far. And by far I mean Glenn and Shauna. He has way more extended family. I have two first cousins. TWO! They were both adopted, so I could have had none. Brett has like 2,357 first cousins. And that’s just on one side.

Who wears the pants in the family? Brett does. I definitely prefer skirts.

Out of the 5 people who read my blog, 3 have already been tagged, one is Shauna (‘nuff said), so Karin, you’re it!