Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Conversations with a 6 month old

Me:  Look at your little feet!  One has and sock and one doesn't.  What shall we do with the toes that have no sock:

Elizabeth:  *smile*

Me:  Eat them?  Okay.  Nom nom nom!  And what about the toes that do have a sock on them?

Elizabeth:  *smile*

Me:  Eat them, too?  Okay!  Nom nom nom!  And how about those little baby fingers?

Elizabeth:  *smile*

Me:  EAT THEM?  ALRIGHT!  NOM NOM NOM!  Your cheeks.  What are we going to do with your cheeks?

Elizabeth:  *smile*

Me:  Alright, I will eat them too.  But only because you insist.

Elizabeth:  *smile*

Me:  You're looking at me with great interest.  I wonder what you are thinking.  Are you thinking that you would like to eat ME?

Elizabeth:  *giggle*

Me:  Okay, but I have to warn you.  Mommies are not as tasty as babies.  First of all, there's a texture issue. I'm pretty soft, but not nearly as soft as you.  And sure I'm chubby like you, but it's a different kind of chubby.  It's a too-many-french-fries kind of chubby instead of a I'm-a-happy-baby chubby.  They taste quite different, you know?  What's that?  You don't care?  You want a taste anyway?

Elizabeth:  *divebombs onto my face with her mouth wide open*

Me:  *wiping away the slobber*  Well, I'm glad you enjoy trying new foods.

Elizabeth:  *smile*

Thursday, December 6, 2012


Comcast:  We're calling about a past due balance on your account.

Me:  Weird.  I have this set up on autopay.  There shouldn't be a balance.

Comcast:  I show the amount owing is 89.40.

Me:  Can you tell me why the autopay didn't go through?

Comcast:  I don't have access to that information. You can call customer service at 1-800-COMCAST.   I'd be happy to take a payment today for the past due balance of 89.40.

Me:  Well, I'm not entire sure I owe anything.  It is usually charged to my card automatically.

Comcast.  Your service may be disconnected if I don't receive the payment of 89.40.

Me:  When is it scheduled for disconnection?

Comcast:  I don't have access to that information.  You can call customer service at 1-800-COMCAST.  How would you like to make your payment of 89.40 today?

Me:  I'm not going to make a payment until I find out why the autopay didn't go through.  I don't want to pay it twice due to an accounting error on your part.

Comcast:  Is there anything else I can do for you today?

Me (ignoring the fact that he has done absolutely nothing for me yet):  Yes.  You are the third person to call me about this account in the past 3 days.  None of you have been able to answer my questions.  Can you at least take me off your calling list?

Comcast.  No.  It's an automated call center.  As long as there is a balance due you will continue to receive calls.

Me:  Let me get this straight.  You are assigned to speak with customers about their past due accounts but you are given no useful information about said accounts.  You have no resources at your disposal, no way to answer questions, and no power to make the calls stop.  You can do NOTHING but accept my payment.  Is that right?

Comcast:  Well, yes.  Is there anything else I can do for you?

Me:  *facepalm*

Monday, December 3, 2012

Have Yourself a Merry Little Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer's Joy to the World Christmas

Brett and I were discussing Christmas music the other day.  He noticed one stations plays a heavy rotation of 80's and 90's Christmas songs while I was lamenting the fact that out of the literally THOUSANDS of Christmas songs in existence to day I always hear Bing Crosby warbling something that sounds like he's underwater.

"There are some songs I rather like, though," I admitted.  "I heard a version of 'O Holy Night' which was fantastic.  Well, fantastic until he changed the words at the end from 'O night divine' to 'Noel, NO-ELLLLLLL!  I just... don't like that word, noel.  It rubs me wrong."

"There's nothing wrong with 'Noel,'" Brett insisted.

"Really?  Tell me... what does it mean?  This 'Noel' business.  Is it a noun?  A verb?  Adjective?  What is The First Noel?  A song?  A message?  Aurora Borealis?  What is it?  No one actually knows.  Yet we listen to the song and decorate our homes with it."

"Well, it's uhhh... the... ummm... yeah, I don't really know either."

"I'm just reserving my right to dislike a word that I have no idea the meaning of, that's all."

So, for your edification:

Noel -- according to wikipedia.

Also for your edification, in addition to disliking The First Noel, I also dislike most Christmas songs in which the singer leaves out the original words and inserts some version of "shoobydoobydoo."  As in, "Have yourself at merry little shoobydoobydoo..."  Or "Chestnuts roasting on an open shoobydoodoowop..."

Now be quiet and let me listen to the radio's 10,000,000,000th playing of "Last Christmas."