Paging Dr. Pinhead...

If the word "fathead" was invented to describe Rush Limbaugh, then then word "pinhead" was certainly invented to describe Dr. Laura. I have formed this opinion by listening to a total of 10 minutes (combined) of both their shows. I don't necessarily disagree with the content of their messages but they are both so darn abrasive that I wonder how anyone can stand the sound of their voices.

The other day, I was out running errands at a time when I'm normally at work. Dr. Laura was on the radio so I thought I'd give her a listen.

A young father called in and was concerned about his six-year-old daughter's bad habit. He wanted to know what would be the best way to encourage her to stop. Should they ignore it and hope she grows out of it? Should they scold her and risk psychological trauma? He explained that she was an only child and they were very concerned and caring parents who only what to do what was best.

Dr. Laura listened for a while then interrupted him mid-sentence to give her opinion. (I'm paraphrasing here.)

"Well, children can have bad habits for two reasons. They are anxious or they are bored."

She stopped. She seemed to be waiting for him to elaborate on his daughter so he jumped in to fill the silence.

"Well, she's pretty self-confident and there aren't a whole lot of situations where she gets anxious, so I don't think that's it. But, yeah, she's probably bored a lot because she's an only child, so I could definitely see..."

She interrupted again. "Sir! You are repeating yourself! I am trying to conduct an investigation into what might be the root cause of your daughter's bad habit you are giving me the same facts over and over and over again! Please, only say something if you are going to be able to add useful information!"

The caller was stunned into silence again and I turned the station.

What a pinhead. She wasn't "conducting an investigation" into anything. She gave him two sentences of advice and then stopped talking. Then she screamed at him for trying to keep the conversation going, which I would think is a good thing for a TALK RADIO SHOW.

I'm sure she probably talks to a lot of people who really are morons. People who call and have big drama of their own making who need someone to give them a verbal slap in the face. She probably gives a lot of good advice to people who will never follow it because it's too hard or they are too self-delusional. That must be hard for her. Maybe she was having a bad day, who knows?

But she reminded me of Sylvia Browne, the world-renown psychic who appears each week on the Montel show. Sylvia will just make up nonsense as a psychic answer to some poor schmuck's question and then changes her prediction based on what the schmuck's reaction is.

"Yes, I see a woman standing near you. She has really long, dark hair. Tell me who that is?"

"Long, dark hair? Hmm... I don't know anyone who..."

"Well, yeah. It's like, you know, shoulder length. Kind of a light brown color."

"Oh yeah! That's my sister Sally!"

"Yup. I had a feeling her name started with an S, but I wasn't sure if it was Sarah or Sally, so I didn't want to say anything. Anyway, she wants you to know that she loves you and forgives you."

"Forgives me? But she died when she was four."

"Yeah. How old were you at the time? Six? Well, she wants you to forgive yourself. Because all these years you've been feeling guilty."

"Well, I do miss her a lot..."

"See? Exactly. Let it go. Sally would want it that way."

*poor schmuck starts to cry* *audience applauds*

Her original story of seeing a woman with long, dark hair turned out to be a four-year-old girl with shoulder-length light brown hair, all based on the feedback she got from the schmuck. And people believe this crap.

That exactly what Dr. Laura did. She gave her diagnosis of "bored" or "anxious" and waited for the guy to agree with one or the other. Then when he started to steal her thunder by continuing on with the train of thought, she sniped at him because she wanted to be the one who figured it out, not him.

I would bet that the next words out of her mouth were, "Your daughter is bored because she's an only child. You need to provide more distraction and activity for her."

Wow. Freaking genius. No wonder America loves you, Dr. Laura.